Wednesday, March 7, 2012
It is hard to believe that one week has passed since Solveig was born. Time has gone so quickly and yet there have been many moments which have felt as though they were standing still. My body and spirit are exhausted, but life is so busy in our home that things must go on. The struggle to go on and to know how to go on whilst one is grieving is a challenge that I now face. Things of eternal value and significance now take precedence over the mundane. Things that I once enjoyed I currently am not sure how to enjoy. I know that one day we will start to feel more "normal," but for now I feel quite numb. My little people need me to help them and to be there for them, and that part is perhaps the biggest difficulty at this time. I try to reassure them that I love them and that I'm just sad and missing their sister. I am not sure just how much they can comprehend, but I do know that they too are sad and that they wish their sister could be here with us.
The photo in this post was taken by a very sweet and sensitive professional photographer representing a fantastic organization that takes photos free of charge for families such as ours. What a tremendous blessing this organization has been to us and to so many others. Thank you so much to Jen and the group she represents. You helped us to capture memories that we will hold dear forever. For us, this photo of Solveig shows her at one of her best moments after delivery. We will always remember her beautiful features, her tiny button nose, her soft dark, wavy hair, her round cheeks, the shape of her big eyes (which we never got to see...can't wait to see them in Heaven one day), her tiny, long limbs with long toes like her Daddy and long slender fingers, the dimple in her back just like the one on her brother's back. One thing that photos cannot capture but that I hope to remember for a long time is the scent of my baby. That scent is so sweet and pure. I decided to save the blanket that Solveig was wrapped in during our time at the hospital and buy a replacement identical to it which she was wrapped in for her burial. I have clung to that blanket and drank in the scent of my baby many times now, and it has been a real comfort for me. I wish that her Daddy could smell better so that he could also take in that scent again.
The support we are experiencing from our family and friends is immense and encouraging. Please know that if you're trying to get a hold of us and we aren't able to return your call or email right away, we still appreciate you and we'll try to be in touch as we're able to. The thought of talking with people right now is challenging, but I know I'll be ready in time. If you know me at all, you know that I like people and I like visiting...so this is kind of a challenge for me to not feel up to that type of interaction in the same way I normally would be. Hang in there with us.
We're ordering a new freezer today - looking forward to having more room to store the freezer meals which people have offered, as well as upcoming garden vegetables, etc.
I hope to write more in the next couple of days. Thanks for reading.