Our Family

Our Family
Fall 2015 - These are my people

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Solveig's Imprint

It has been a few weeks since we were given these wonderful photos taken by Jen Kelly on behalf of the NIL_MDTS organization. To us they are absolutely breathtaking still, even after nearly seven weeks...and they always will be breathtaking. Tomorrow it will be seven weeks since Solveig was born into the world, not breathing and not uttering one tiny peep. We miss her immensely. Sometimes the pain of our loss grips so tightly that the body wants to shut down and not go on. But there are so many reminders of why we must go on...one is dancing to classical public radio while I type, and the other is shoving delicious morsels into his mouth at the lunch table and trying to snuggle with the dog at the same time. They are excellent reminders of what is good and lovely and excellent here on Earth. And one other incredibly priceless reason is probably at a desk answering phone calls from colleagues and customers and typing away important data, working hard to take care of our family...I love him so much.

Right as we were beginning to take pictures with Solveig, Buzz started to lose it and didn't really want to participate. I think he was perhaps overwhelmed with sadness and confusion as well as lack of sleep and missing Mommy and Daddy. The look on his face is full of grief. Then big sister Bug has her focus solely on the precious baby sister that she wanted so much. Both kids were glad to meet little Solveig that day and they were not too stunned by her appearance which had already started looking a bit purple. Kids are fabulous that way. They just see the person...they don't care about particulars of physical beauty the same way that we adults seem to notice. Even with her skin turning purplish, our baby was still so beautiful to us. She will always remain beautiful to us in our memories.

As Erik and I sat together for our photos with our baby, it was such an odd place to be...so different than when we were taking photos with one whom we would bring home. For this precious one was already HOME for all eternity with Jesus. We were not to bring her to our earthly home...a fact which is still incredibly difficult for me to this day. But we could cherish her there at the hospital. (There is a way to bring home a baby who has died, but we chose not to do that...and it is complicated with hospital, funeral home and state legalities not quite matching up at this point.) We could have our photos taken with her, and we did. We created memories for a lifetime and we will never forget. She has made an imprint that is so deep and all the storms of time could not blow away the print that has been placed on our hearts.

We are forever changed by our Solveig. Now, the hardest part is learning to walk in faith with the Lord and not cursing Him, and not blaming Him, and not giving up on Him. Believe me when I say that I've had some very dark moments of not wanting to trust Him. But I keep coming back to Him. For He has never left me, even in the darkest of moments. One foot in front of the other...one day at at time...we must keep going. And He will go with us through it all.


Trennia said...

I'm visiting from Tesha's link up.
I am sorry you are walking this hard road,please know you are not alone.(((hugs)))

Ericka said...

Praying for you today, Melody.


The Howell family said...

Beautiful pictures! You put into words what I am feeling also so well. Looking at the picture of my 4 year old holding her baby sister makes me smile and breaks my heart all at the same time.

Tesha said...

Oh wow the pictures are lovely. I am so glad you got a photographer. We called but I did not get a return phone call for a week. Jonathan was already being cremated. I really want to set up a photography web sight so I can volunteer. We have a real lack of volunteers in our area. I am so blessed by your story and so happy you linked up :)

Sammy and Missy Parris said...

These are beautiful pictures!!!! I wish we had took more of our little Daniel! These are a treasure!

Payton&Jake's Mommy said...

Melody,Solveig is beautiful! I know exactly how you feel... I'm feeling the same pain of not having my sweet baby boy at home with me. It's definitely a different situation taking pictures with your angel, than the normal pictures most take with their babies who they can take home. <3 It takes a situation like we are in to make you truly feel blessed to have your sweet children home, happy and healthy.

I'm praying for you !

Erin Bennett said...

SO beautiful, Melody. Your words and the pictures.

kerij said...

Was thinking about these verses as I read your post-

"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God."
Romans 8:25-27
The Spirit prays for you in ways you don't know how to even pray for yourself, sweetie.
His Spirit will not leave you, ever. Even in those dark places, where you're not sure if you still trust/ want to trust Him, He has committed that you will not be snatched from His hand.

Laurie and company said...

crying with you. Solveig is beautiful.
God bless you!