This weekend, I was blessed to get away with four of my girlfriends for one night and two good days. I thought it might be too early for me to get away, and I wasn't sure what it would be like to face people and to talk about things...but you know what? It was GREAT. To be surrounded by dear friends who love me no matter what was just what my soul needed. Thanks to my Erik for encouraging me to go away. And thank you dear friends - you know who you are and you are a blessing.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
One thing is for sure - I am not a person who can stuff things inside and not talk about what is going on my life. That is just not my personality. And for better or worse, I like to get out the "stuff" and work through it. Most of the time I believe it is for the better. Part of me wanted to run and hide in a cave and not come out for a very long time after we lost Solveig. I have definitely had moments of cave dwelling in the last week and a half. But for the most part, I do better when I spend most of my time out of the cave. I'm grateful that Erik is willing to talk through life with me and helps me process things. He's so good like that.
While sitting with my friends yesterday, I told them that I want them to be able to ask me anything about Solveig and what has happened because of her loss. I don't want people to ever be afraid to broach the topic for fear of offending me or "bringing up" something that I don't want to talk about. The truth is, I'm always thinking about her - she is always in my thoughts, and I suspect she may always be...or at least will be extremely present for a VERY long time. Therefore, people talking about her or asking me about her is not a shock and will probably not catch me off guard. If you are reading this and you have wondered about this stuff, please know that I mean it when I say that I want to talk about her and I want you to say her name...and I want you to ask me all about her. Please do. What I don't want, and what anyone who has been through the loss of a child does NOT want, is for people to forget our children. We don't want them to go unremembered...we don't want them to get lost in the shuffle of our busy society that continues on at warp speed even when we feel suspended in space grieving the loss of our children.
And remember...you don't need to solve our situation...you can't, really. You can't change it, you can't do anything to make it different...you can't fix it...but what you can do is simply say, "I'm sorry for your loss" and/or "I'm praying for you." That is really the best thing that anyone can say to someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one. Don't feel like you need to expound on the situation any further. Yes, we believe that our baby is in Heaven now...but honestly, it's hard to hear things like, "God needs babies in Heaven too" or "there must be a reason why." I know that's true. We know it 100%...and even though we know it, it can't bring our baby back...and believe me when I say that we'd do just about anything to bring her back to be with us if we could. We know you mean well if you do say things like this though, so don't worry if you've been one who has said such things. Don't worry that you've offended us. We've heard a lot now and really aren't that easily offended in the first place. And we appreciate people's love for us and their concern, so please don't take what I'm saying as ungratefulness...that's not it at all. Just trying to help you understand what it's like to be on this side of things, if you haven't been there yourself. Hugs and sorry's are so wonderful to hear and experience.
So...clarity...that was my title of the post after all...I feel as though God gave me some clarity this weekend after getting away from my home and my family for just a short respite. I feel like He is lighting a fire under my tail and He is already showing me that I am to use Solveig's life and story as a platform to help others. I really don't know how or what that may entail, but I know that it will be a part of my future...and perhaps it's part of my present too as I am typing these things into cyberspace. But as the grief counselor warned me when I told her that I wanted to help others...I need to wait awhile to really go forth in this desire to help others...I need to keep healing and grieving the loss of Solveig before I'll be ready to help others in a fuller way.
Thanks for your continued support and prayer over us. It really has helped us get through each moment of each day. Some days are good and some days are really hard...but God is with us through all of it.