Fog

Forewarning...this is somewhat of a scattered post. That's kind of how my mind is working these days.

At times I feel like I'm in such a fog in this the beginning of our grief journey. Sometimes I wonder how I am supposed to be feeling and what it is I'm supposed to be experiencing. Then I remember that it really is going to be different for everyone, and that there is no specific formula or time table for grief. Some dear friends have been helpful to remind me of this as well, and it does mean something to hear it from some who have gone before me in their own journeys of grief. Perhaps when it is cloudy and rainy outside that may add to the feeling of mental fog, and we've had a bit of rain happening now after what was such a warm and sunny week. Thanks to B for sending me the link for this little devotional which captures some of what I'm feeling today.

One thing that has been nice the last few days has been spending time with some sweet girlfriends and their kiddos. Not only has it been a good distraction, but I've just so enjoyed their company and so have my kids. Thank you friends. I appreciate you. The way you and so many others have been loving on me and my family means so much.

Today my Bug and Buzz both were admiring the new necklace with Solveig's footprint...and they were holding it in their cute grimy hands and saying, "ooh, that is so pretty," and "oh, so sweet!" I agree. I have loved wearing it today, and I will continue to love wearing it for a long time to come.

Today I miss her being inside of my belly. I miss the weight of her. She will always bear weight in our lives. Tomorrow marks three weeks from when I delivered her into this world...it sometimes feels like a surreal dream that perhaps we will one day awake from, but it is not. Coming to terms with that is challenging in some moments.

These verses capture some immense truth that has brought strength to my life for years, and now really means a lot to me...

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written, 'for your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerers through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:35-39-

Amen to that. Jesus loves me, this I know...