Please Pray For Joel

Friends,

We were blessed to have the opportunity to go and visit my brother Joel this past Thursday.  It was so good to spend some time with him.  My parents were there with Erik and I, and we had the chance to lay hands on Joel and pray over him.  It was a very powerful time.  And there were also some funny moments.  You see, Joel is a goofy guy and has a great sense of humor.  That comes in handy during moments of extreme pain.  As we walked with him through the hallways of his hospital, he had his little i_P_od in hand and he played us some new tunes that he had downloaded.  People were trying to figure out where the songs were coming from.  Only Joel could get away with playing his tunes in the hallways of the hospital!  It was fun and it made all of us smile. :)  He had his landmarks on the walk, including the different water fountains and the different statues.  (He even touched one statue for good luck!  That's my brother!  Funny.)  And he greeted people as he passed them too - he is a very friendly guy, and his kind spirit is contagious.  I'm so proud of him.  And my heart hurts to see him aching, literally aching in his physical body.  He was in a ton of pain that day, and no pain medicine could touch his pain.  How I wish I could have taken the pain from him.

I just spoke to Joel tonight.  He seemed to be in good spirits.  And he told me that he is set to have a CT scan tomorrow at the hospital.  We would love your prayers for my brother and for this new CT.

We know that He is in control.  The Lord is on His throne, always.  He is with Joel.  And He is with us.

I hope that you had a blessed Mother's Day.  It was bittersweet, to say the least.  I will write more about that later...

Blessings to you,
Love,
Melody

Our Story - Part Two

Monday February 27th, 2012 - This was the day that we were to pull everything together at home. I didn't yet know exactly what was to happen, as we were hoping that maybe my body would just go into labor on its own. But since Solveig had passed already a few days prior, it wouldn't be healthy to let her lie inside of me too much longer. My sweet Dr. L called me around lunchtime to discuss a plan. She recommended that we come in the next day to try for a version, the procedure to turn the baby since she was lying transverse, and then induce labor after that. She said it could take a couple of days for the delivery to be complete after the induction began.

That afternoon I spoke with an AMAZING woman from the hospital who works with families like ours as an advocate and grief counselor. She's incredible. I knew immediately over the phone that we were going to get along well and that she was going to be a wonderful resource and encouragement to me for time to come. "A" encouraged me to go out and find a special outfit for our baby girl, and to make sure to get a duplicate. I wrote about that in an earlier post and if I knew how to link to it I'd do that, but you see I'm not too fancy yet in that regard. Anyhow, that night we went out and got a special outfit and blanket and made sure to have our own clothes pulled together for what would be a photo session two days later when Solveig was born.

After shopping for several hours and being together, we came home and crashed and got our luggage ready for the next day...

Tuesday, February 28th - We had been told to call the hospital early in the morning to schedule an appointment. We arrived there around 8:30am after Grammie (my mom) came over to be with the kids. It was so odd to walk into the hospital for this delivery. I was a bit apprehensive yet anxious to see our daughter. The nurses in labor and delivery knew we were coming and escorted us to the end of the hallway so that we'd be in a bit more of a separate area from some of the other delivering moms. We were shown a pretty teal box sitting on a table which had been prepared for us by another family who had gone through a similar loss years before. Inside there was a letter from that family as well as some things to help us remember Solveig and work through our grief. There was a special plaster mold to capture hand and footprints, a "tress press" for holding clippings of hair, a book for our kids about how there was supposed to be a baby and there was instead an angel, and some other grief pamphlets and things that I'm forgetting. We read that book about the angel baby and wept.

It took awhile that morning to get things started medically. Around noon, the anesthesiologist came to give me an epidural prior to my version procedure. After my body was numb, then Dr. F came to perform the version. She first did an ultrasound only to find that little Solveig was somehow head down now and therefore I wouldn't need the ultrasound. Sometime that afternoon, Dr. F used a fol_ey cath_eter to help things to dilate more "naturally." I was glad for this as I was hoping to avoid any further medicine. The nurses and dr.'s kept monitoring me closely to see if things were progressing and they really weren't going that far. They kept asking if I wanted to take Pit_ocin to induce labor more quickly but I said I'd like to see how far things could go naturally.

February 29th - We slept some during those wee morning hours. Erik caught more winks than me, as I was enjoying talking with some of the lovely nurses who were caring for me. In fact, there was one named "C" who happened to take care of me and helped to deliver Bug almost six years ago. It was so great to talk with her - such an incredible, caring woman who encouraged me so much. ALL the nurses did a great job - they were so wonderful and helpful. I really respect nurses. Thank you sweet nurses.

SO, after sleeping for awhile Dr. L came in towards then end of her shift to check me and determined it was a good time to break my water. I was okay with that as I knew it would most likely help labor move along. An hour later my sweet friend "M" who is also a dr. came in to visit us and to bring chocolate cookies and oranges for me and Erik. I started having very intense contractions while she was there with us.

Right after M left, Dr. M who had been with us on Sunday to give us the news was on call and she came in for delivery. Little Solveig had somehow moved back to transverse position so she would be delivered breech, which for her was not a problem. In any other circumstance, being delivered breech could be an extremely dangerous situation...but because she wasn't alive and she was so tiny, it was okay. Her little arm came out, then her end, and then her head last.

8:03 AM - our little Solveig was out and in my arms. She came out and right away they were talking about the cord. Her cord was wrapped around her neck three times, around her mid section and around her arm...and there was a true knot in it. There was no need for an au_topsy at this point as it was clear to see the cause of death was all about the cord getting in the way. As dr. friend M said to me, "that blasted cord." I couldn't agree more. Blasted cord, indeed. Dr. M said that the cord was very long. That little girl had been SO busy inside of me...she was doing somersaults and getting tangled in that cord for who knows how long.

Even though that delivery was very difficult emotionally, it was physically the easiest delivery that I have yet had. Thanks be to God for that. I'm so grateful that I could delivery traditionally and that I didn't have to do a c-se_ction. That would've caused a much more challenging recovery emotionally and physically. And also, through the difficult emotions, we had such a deep peace and sense of the Lord's presence with us. I really felt the power of the Holy Spirit in that room. It was quiet...and there was light. He was with us. He IS with us. We are not without our Lord, even through this dark valley.

We choose to praise Him who has chosen to give us life and who has chosen to keep us here on this Earth...and who has allowed our baby daughter to pass into all eternity before us. We can't wait to meet her there at the pearly gates one day...

Thanks for reading. And thanks for praying.

Clarity

This weekend, I was blessed to get away with four of my girlfriends for one night and two good days. I thought it might be too early for me to get away, and I wasn't sure what it would be like to face people and to talk about things...but you know what? It was GREAT. To be surrounded by dear friends who love me no matter what was just what my soul needed. Thanks to my Erik for encouraging me to go away. And thank you dear friends - you know who you are and you are a blessing.

One thing is for sure - I am not a person who can stuff things inside and not talk about what is going on my life. That is just not my personality. And for better or worse, I like to get out the "stuff" and work through it. Most of the time I believe it is for the better. Part of me wanted to run and hide in a cave and not come out for a very long time after we lost Solveig. I have definitely had moments of cave dwelling in the last week and a half. But for the most part, I do better when I spend most of my time out of the cave. I'm grateful that Erik is willing to talk through life with me and helps me process things. He's so good like that.

While sitting with my friends yesterday, I told them that I want them to be able to ask me anything about Solveig and what has happened because of her loss. I don't want people to ever be afraid to broach the topic for fear of offending me or "bringing up" something that I don't want to talk about. The truth is, I'm always thinking about her - she is always in my thoughts, and I suspect she may always be...or at least will be extremely present for a VERY long time. Therefore, people talking about her or asking me about her is not a shock and will probably not catch me off guard. If you are reading this and you have wondered about this stuff, please know that I mean it when I say that I want to talk about her and I want you to say her name...and I want you to ask me all about her. Please do. What I don't want, and what anyone who has been through the loss of a child does NOT want, is for people to forget our children. We don't want them to go unremembered...we don't want them to get lost in the shuffle of our busy society that continues on at warp speed even when we feel suspended in space grieving the loss of our children.

And remember...you don't need to solve our situation...you can't, really. You can't change it, you can't do anything to make it different...you can't fix it...but what you can do is simply say, "I'm sorry for your loss" and/or "I'm praying for you." That is really the best thing that anyone can say to someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one. Don't feel like you need to expound on the situation any further. Yes, we believe that our baby is in Heaven now...but honestly, it's hard to hear things like, "God needs babies in Heaven too" or "there must be a reason why." I know that's true. We know it 100%...and even though we know it, it can't bring our baby back...and believe me when I say that we'd do just about anything to bring her back to be with us if we could. We know you mean well if you do say things like this though, so don't worry if you've been one who has said such things. Don't worry that you've offended us. We've heard a lot now and really aren't that easily offended in the first place. And we appreciate people's love for us and their concern, so please don't take what I'm saying as ungratefulness...that's not it at all. Just trying to help you understand what it's like to be on this side of things, if you haven't been there yourself. Hugs and sorry's are so wonderful to hear and experience.

So...clarity...that was my title of the post after all...I feel as though God gave me some clarity this weekend after getting away from my home and my family for just a short respite. I feel like He is lighting a fire under my tail and He is already showing me that I am to use Solveig's life and story as a platform to help others. I really don't know how or what that may entail, but I know that it will be a part of my future...and perhaps it's part of my present too as I am typing these things into cyberspace. But as the grief counselor warned me when I told her that I wanted to help others...I need to wait awhile to really go forth in this desire to help others...I need to keep healing and grieving the loss of Solveig before I'll be ready to help others in a fuller way.

Thanks for your continued support and prayer over us. It really has helped us get through each moment of each day. Some days are good and some days are really hard...but God is with us through all of it.

Prayers Answered :)

Thank you to all who have been praying for my Uncle Ron. His recovery is slow but coming along. He is still in the hospital and will probably be there for some time yet, but we're not sure how long.

On Christmas Day, I had all the family members who were present participate in creating a box of notes, letters, pictures, stories, verses and more for Uncle Ron. I brought my scrapbooking stuff and set it out on my parents' kitchen table and people got to work writing out their thoughts and memories. My niece especially got into it and made several items for the box. I think she's hooked now on scrapbooking, so hopefully she and I can do that together in the future. The box was one that I found at a discount store, but it was big and blue with silver designs on it, and I think it said "joy" as well. I wanted Uncle to have some joy brought into his world, and I think he did. Later that night, I went with my Auntie Dar to the hospital to visit Uncle and bring him the box. He was very touched. My brother and his wife were there as well, and they were crying as well as me and Auntie Dar.

Another little guy that I'd like for you to pray for is baby Stellan. His mama has a blog, and I don't know how to make a link to it through a highlighted word...can anyone help me with that? Her blog is mycharmingkids.net if you want to check it out. We've prayed for Stellan before, but he is in the hospital now at a few months old, and has RSV. He seems to be responding well to the treatment and help he is getting, but he is not out of the woods. Please pray for Baby Stellan. He is the youngest of four kids, and I went to college with his mama.

Thank you!

More Prayers Please

Hello there! I feel like most of my blog posts lately have been in the form of prayer requests, but you know what? We SHOULD be praying! Prayer is so worthwhile and so beneficial...I know from my own life experiences. God has answered many many prayers that I have brought to Him through the years, and He hasn't always answered in the way I had hoped, but yet He has answered.

I wrote a few times ago about my Uncle Ron. He is still in the hospital and has now been sick for over a month. He has had several surgeries that have been successful, and hopefully is now on the mend...however, his condition is quite critical. Please continue to pray for him. I really truly appreciate those prayers, and I know that Uncle Ron and Auntie Dar do as well.

Sarah is another person for whom I've been praying - a former voice student of mine. She is still in a coma after about a month and a half, and has had some issues related to that. Her family is so amazing and they have stayed by her side through all of her ordeal. Please be praying for Sarah and for her family.

There is a woman from church who is in our Sunday School class named Ruth who has cancer and needs our prayers for healing. Please also pray for Ruth's husband Mark and for their two daughters. My mom was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma eight years ago and has been cancer free for almost eight years, so I know just a bit of the road that Ruth and her family are traveling now. It is a hard road. But when the body of Christ comes around families in crisis, there is such a difference...so I'm praying for that also for Ruth and for the other requests in my entry.

Thanks for your prayers.

Home again, home again, jiggety jig...

To the hospital, to the hospital to have a sweet babe, only home again home again jiggety jag.

Yup, we went into the hospital last night around 3 am because my contractions were continuous all night long and became very strong around 2 am. I was monitored and checked all day and after two hour long walks around the hospital to try and get things moving and the dr. actually trying to rupture my water and it not working, we came home early this afternoon. At first I was so discouraged that our baby didn't get to come, but now I truly have a remarkable sense of peace. God greatly changed my perspective during our hospital stay, and most of that took place at the end when I was eating a meal in the cafeteria. While in there, I saw a few cancer patients with no hair...one of whom was only probably 10 or 11 years old. My heart sank for that young boy, and God reminded me that I am healthy and that the fact that I'm having this baby is remarkable in itself...that He would allow me even to experience this pregnancy is such a gift...and that I need to be thankful. When my mom was going through her chemo. treatments for her cancer seven and a half years ago, I saw a lot of children in the oncology clinic, and I always cried when I saw them because I felt sad that the were having to go through such a struggle in their young life. It just didn't make sense, and still doesn't make sense, and probably never will make sense to me. Lord, please comfort those two people that I saw today in the cafeteria...give them your peace and your strength.

So, all of that to say, thank you God for giving me good health. Thank you for keeping this baby safe. (he did really well on the monitoring today) Thank you for helping me to avoid Preeclampsia thus far in this pregnancy. Thank you for showing me some grace today and for reminding me that you are in control...that I need to trust you...that I need to have patience...and that you know the plan for me and for this sweet boy that is very active inside of me. Thank you God for my dear husband who has been so encouraging and helpful and kind through all of this - bless him! Thank you God for dear friends and family who are upholding us in prayer.

Thank you God.

P.S. My contractions continue on, FYI! I still feel pretty strongly that this child will be coming within the next few days, but we'll see!