Sunlight in our surroundings...this is healing for the soul. We are grateful for the beautiful weather today, and trying to soak it up before the air turns muggy. Spring blooms are beginning to encroach on the land and they remind me of new life. Thank you Lord, for these gifts from you.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
In the midst of the beauty are reminders of the little one who is no longer in our immediate midst but is instead watching us from Heaven above. My heart ached for her this morning when we were at the grocery store. Our sweet cashier told me how adorable my little Buzz is and how beautiful his eyes are. She was so taken with him, and I am too. He really is such a cute kid, and my big Bug is too. We are so blessed to have them. Then the sweet cashier said, "he is so adorable and you really should have more kids!" Silence on my end. There were no words with which to respond in that exact moment. I had no idea what to say and just gave a tiny and perhaps fake smile in response. Oh sweet cashier, if only you knew my present pain...a pain which I did not need to divulge to you at that time. You were only speaking innocently and genuinely, and I so appreciated your thoughtfulness towards me and my beautiful son. If only you knew dear one that my little man just lost his baby sister five weeks ago today...that my baby was taken from my womb and her spirit soared into Heaven several days prior to her birth. That she is with Jesus in His glory for all eternity...a mystery and a gift all at the same time...but one that I would not necessarily wish upon any other mama on this planet...for the earthly pain which we mamas who have lost is so intense. Yet that pain is such a refining fire for the spirit. Who chooses to be thrown into the fire? No one would choose such a path. But alas, here I am. And the Lord is showing me His goodness here. I mean that, in all sincerity. There is a deep pain - incredibly deep. I would love to have my little Solveig in my arms right now. She should be there, really. I ache for her every day, throughout the day, all day long. But He cares for her better than I could ever do here on Earth. He knows my pain. But He holds her. And He holds me here.
Not sure if I posted this scripture recently, but it really reaches me in the depths of my soul right now.
"Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 -
Thank you Lord, for the truth which you convey to us through your Holy Word. Thank you that we have truth and eternal hope upon which to fix our gaze.