Our Family

Our Family
Fall 2015 - These are my people

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Singing and Composing Again

I'm linking up again with Tesha today.  If you are new, thanks for visiting.  You can read more about my baby girl Solveig Sofia by clicking on the labels to the right and/or previous posts.

I am a classically trained singer, but I also love singing other styles...pop, country, musical theater, etc.  Often times I sing along with the radio or my downloaded tunes and rock out.  Since we lost Solveig three months ago, I have had a hard time singing much of anything.  Most of the time when I would start to sing, I would begin to cry.  The desire just hasn't been there either.  It isn't until very recently that I've been able to sing without crying nonstop.  

Well, today I have a little bit of time to myself thanks to my parents helping watch Buzz for a bit.  And I wanted to sing!  I wandered over to my music library and pulled out my Brahms lieder book and began playing and singing a bunch of the pieces in there.  My heart became so full of joy as I was singing and I thought to myself, "I wish I had been able to do this sooner!"  It feels good to use the gift God has given me once again.

Another thing I haven't done in a very long time is to compose music.  I love composing and have written a bunch of different things through the years...a wedding song for my husband, a requiem lullaby for my friends Natalie and Steve in honor of their baby boy Aidan, lullabies for my babies and more.  The desire and inspiration to compose was missing in me for quite awhile.  After losing Solveig, I wanted so much to write her a piece of music but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  That changed this past weekend when we were at one of my very favorite places on earth - our church camp a ways north of here in MN.  Each year for the past few years we've been able to go up there with some of our friends from church to help set up the camp for the summer.  I love being there and find so much peace and tranquility in that place.

The first night that we were at camp this past weekend, I woke up suddenly and saw an angel next to our bed.  It has been awhile since I've seen angels.  The last time was at Solveig's birth when they surrounded us in the hospital room.  Well, this time I was startled but not afraid.  Erik prayed for me to be able to go back to sleep, but it took awhile for me to calm down and feel settled again.  Instead, my mind began reeling with song and I so wished I had my piano and recording equipment there as well as some manuscript paper for composition.  Next time I go on a trip I'll remember to bring some manuscript paper!  I usually do, because it's in other places that I'm often inspired to write.

In the morning I had some time to myself, and I sat down and began to write lyrics for what I hope will become Solveig's song.  I will have to spend some time with that again very soon so I don't lose the momentum of composing.  It's just exciting to have that desire to write.  And I think that angel that visited me that night may have just been part of this fresh inspiration.

When it's done, I'll try to share the piece on here somehow.

Thanks for your words of hope and peace.  I appreciate your prayers and love.


Tesha said...

Oh wow what a beautiful story! I am so glad you felt inspired and received a song. I know singing must be very important to you. I have cried many times at church during worship since Jonathan died. Singing to the Lord is very intimate and any thing intimate makes me cry still. I am praying for you my friend and for Solveig's song to e perfect :)

Ketchup with the Frys said...

Hello, you commented on my blog via Rage Against the Minivan. Thank you for your kind words. I have been reading your daughter's story here on your blog and you have done a very nice job expressing your feelings and remembering her. Her name is so unique and beautiful, so appropriate. I hope that you will find peace as you grieve in the days to come.

Kristy said...

I am so glad you have been able to find joy in singing again. I would love to hear the song you write for your beautiful angel.