Shoes To Grow Into...

Tonight I was going through some bins of kids shoes in an effort to see what we have, to give some away...and apparently to reminisce and daydream.  When I got to the little girl shoes for tiny little feet I had a moment of realizing that our sweet Solveig wouldn't be wearing those shoes here on this earth.  The shoes that her big sister Bug wore will instead go to some other little girls.  And that is a really good thing.  But it's also a hard thing for me today.  I lost it.  The tears started rolling down my cheeks and my sweet Erik came over to hold me.  He is a great comforter and I appreciate him so much.

I decided that I will probably keep a few pair of tiny shoes for the sentimental factor and they will go in Bug's bin of childhood treasures.  There are some things like those shoes and the tiny baby clothes that have been so hard to part with.  I still cannot get myself to go through the preemie, newborn and 0-3 month size girl clothes.  And I don't know that I will be able to for quite some time.  So I guess they'll just stay in our storage area for now, and that is okay.  I'm learning to just let that type of thing be okay because it just has to be for now.

Do you think we'll wear shoes in Heaven? I wonder what the weather will be like there.  I wonder if the ground will be such that people just won't need to wear shoes.  There are people like that anyway who don't wear shoes here in our country as well as in many other parts of the world.  But maybe it will just be that we don't need shoes, period.  I think that everything will be so perfect that we won't have to worry about stepping on sharp objects or tripping on sticks or stones or supporting our wimpy arches in our feet.

Her little feet are probably romping around the fields as she chases the cheetahs...how I long to run with her and tickle those little feet...

Bedtime Snuggle Conversations

Whenever I can, I love to snuggle with my kids before they go to sleep.  These are special moments for us to connect at the end of the day.  And no matter how good or how challenging the day has been, these snuggle moments are times that I relish...times that I am able to slow down and breathe and remember that these little wonders that God has blessed me with are such gifts.

Tonight when I was snuggling with my Buzz, he said to me, "the miscarriages happened before me."  And I said, "no Honey, those were after you."  "Oh yeah, those were when I was two," he said.  How in the world did he remember that?  Then he said, "Mommy, I wasn't able to be there when you had the miscarriages.  I wasn't at the hospital."  I told him, "No, the miscarriages actually happened at home.  I didn't have to go to the hospital for those.  Those little babies were so tiny.  They just left my body more easily.  I just bled a little bit and they came out."  He said, "oh.  But some people have to have their miscarriages cut out their tummies.  They have to have a needle in their tummies and help get the miscarriages out."  I said, "yes, sometimes women need extra help when they are miscarrying and need to be in the hospital.  The doctor has to help clean out their tummy."

I'm not quite sure where that conversation stemmed from today or what caused him to think about it, but I do know that my little boy is a really deep thinker and seems to process things thoroughly.  He seems extra tender about our losses.  I hope and pray that God will use this deep thinker in wonderful ways.

Then I snuggled my big Bug.  She loves to cuddle too.  And both kids always have to have their butterfly kisses and eskimo kisses.  Bug said to me, "Mommy, I miss Solveig."  I told her with tears in my eyes, "Yes honey, I miss her too.  I will always miss her."  Sweet Bug girl then wrapped her arms around me and kissed my cheek.  She is so precious and so full of love to give.  I really appreciate that the Lord gave me that girl.  She has been so tender hearted and has encouraged me a lot.

I'm grateful for these kids.  Thank you God.