Stockings

We were blessed to be able to spend Christmas and a few days after with family on both sides.  Leading up to Christmas, I wasn't sure how I would feel about things.  It was much harder than I thought it would be.  The weight of not having Solveig with us struck again as I imagined her trying to tug ornaments off of the tree or opening a present for the first time.  She would have been 10 months old this month, December 29th.  I didn't think I would care if there were no stocking hung by our fireplace with her name, but I did.  So I decided after we had already hung our other stockings to go ahead and order a stocking with her name embroidered on it.  I know she isn't here to receive gifts, but I would like to start a tradition of writing notes or letters to her and placing them in the stocking.  My hope was to do this tradition beginning this year, but it didn't happen...yet.  The stockings are still hung so I suppose we could go ahead with it, or we could wait.  Once that stocking came in the mail and I was able to hang it with the rest of our stockings, it felt right.

Solveig's stocking has two girls figure skating on a pond.  It took me awhile to decide which one I would choose for her, but that one seemed to fit.  I love to imagine the things that Solveig and her big sister Bug would've done together.  Since we love to skate here in the north land, I knew that the skating stocking was just right for our little girl.  Bug's stocking has an angel on it, holding a lamb.  When Bug was little, I used to think of her as God's precious little lamb.  But now, the picture on the stocking also makes me think of a big sister, holding her little sister in her arms.

It felt odd to not have our baby with us for one of our most special holiday times, but I know that where she is in Heaven there is way more rejoicing going on than there ever could be here on earth.  For she is living with the King of kings and Lord of lords...Jesus Christ, our Savior.  Her Christmas in Heaven must have been something spectacular.

And one day, we will join her again.  The Christmas celebrations of earth will fade into the past as we will live in the present.  Our hearts will burst with praise, and we will know no more pain or suffering.

That will be a glorious day.

Good News

Again, I find myself in a place of wondering why it has taken me so long to post on this blog.  This fall has been insanely busy for me, with wonderful things taking my time...teaching at home, teaching an online college class, singing in a Christmas opera, working on Solveig's boxes and so much more.  But there is one thing which I haven't been able to share until now.  I have waited and waited to share this very important detail because I just didn't feel it was the right time.  But now I feel it is time.

There is a new little baby growing inside of me and HE is doing very well!  I am now at 21+ weeks gestation and it is hard to believe that I'm over halfway to the optimal finish line.  To say this is an emotional journey is definitely the understatement of the year.  And yet there are moments where I find myself smiling, hoping and praying that maybe this precious boy will make it out of me alive.  He is such a blessing and we are immensely grateful for this new life.

This time around, I'm working with an incredible group of perinatologists - high risk obstetricians.  It feels so wonderful to be going to a different clinic, as much as I love my other doctors.  Because of how traumatic everything was with Solveig, and because I am considered high risk for many reasons, there is an element of needing to be working with this group.  The one thing that will remain the same is that I will deliver at the same hospital.  That for me has a level of comfort involved as I very well know that place and some of the people working there.  Even though we experienced such a difficult time in that hospital, we have also had moments of joy there and moments of hope.  That was the one home that Solveig had outside my body, even though she was already gone, so that is one thing that seems special.

Anyway, back to the doctors...the one who I am seeing is such a blessing.  She has been an amazing encouragement, and I feel like God handpicked her just for me.  I appreciate her sensitivity and her kindness, and her amazing attention to detail.  And the nurses are incredible.  All of them worked OB labor and delivery at the hospital for many years before ever taking a job in this clinic, so they are incredibly knowledgable, helpful and comforting.  I may enter that clinic with fright or anxiety at times, but I always leave with peace.  That is an amazing gift.

Solveig will always have a special place in our hearts.  We will always miss her and we will always love her and think of her.  Her little brother will never replace her or be a substitute for her.  He is however such a gift and blessing.  We already love him and I know that love will continue growing as this pregnancy goes on.

Your prayers for this new little man and for the rest of us are so greatly appreciated.  This journey is a challenge, but Lord willing, we may get to know this precious life here on earth in a few months. :)

My due date is at the end of April, but I will most likely be going earlier, depending on how things go.

Thanks for your continued support and prayer.