Bedtime Snuggle Talks

We had another one of those nights…the kind where my kids had deep thoughts from their souls that needed to be shared.  I love those nights.  They both had asked for me to come and snuggle them before going to sleep, and I finally tore away from my project of deboning a freshly roasted turkey to make broth for long enough to be near them.  I'm so glad that I did.

Me: "Buzz, I will always love you."

Buzz: "I know Mommy.  Will you still love me when you are dead?"

Woah...how do I respond to that one…

Me: "Well Honey, I will be in Heaven.  And I think that I will still think about you and love you while I'm there."

Buzz: "But we don't know where we're going when we die.  We don't know if we'll go to Heaven or Hell."

Me: "No Honey, we can know exactly where we are going, with absolute certainty.  If we love the Lord with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength and if Jesus is our Savior and Lord then we will be in Heaven.

Do you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and do you trust Him to be your Savior and Lord?

Buzz: "Yes, I do."

Me: "Then we will be there together.  We will be in Heaven together.  And that makes me so happy."

Buzz: "Satan won't be there.  The robbers won't be there.  They'll be in Hell."

(Thank you Le_go for helping my child to be obsessed with robbers and keeping them out of trouble.  Maybe he has a future in law enforcement.)

Me: "Yes, Satan will be in Hell.  You are right.  He will have no place in Heaven."

Buzz: "Besides, Hell is just like hot lava.  There won't be any place to sit."

Hmm…interesting…hadn't thought about the fact of sitting somewhere there…

Me: "Yes Honey, it will be hot.  In the Bible, Hell is described as being a lake of fire.  I definitely don't want to be there.

I'm looking forward to seeing Solveig, our other two little miscarried babies, Uncle Joel and a whole lot of other people in Heaven.  Won't that be great?"

Buzz: "Yes!  Maybe Uncle Joel, Solveig and the other two babies that died in your tummy are all living together in a house."

Smile.  That just makes me smile to think of that possibility.  Just the fact that I believe that they are all there together makes me smile.

With tears in my eyes I responded, "I can't wait to see all of them.  It will be wonderful."

And break for hugs and kisses with my sweet boy.  He is so full of love…which sometimes gets misconstrued as not having a personal bubble at school. :)  He is learning boundaries.  Such a challenge for a hugger.

Me: "Goodnight Buzz.  You need to get some sleep.  I love you."

Buzz: "Goodnight Mommy."

All the while, big sister Bug was waiting in her room for me to come and have snuggles with her as well.  I went in and she was so concerned with how much time I had just spent with her little brother.  Maybe she was jealous and wanting the same amount of snuggle time…which ended up happening.  Here is how our conversation went…

Bug: "Mommy, what do you think Heaven will be like?"

Me: "Well, I don't know for sure, but there are some great descriptions of it in the Bible.  It says that there will be streets of gold.  And it talks about animals and people getting along.  We're supposed to have new bodies.  There will be good food.  There will be no more pain, no more suffering, no more tears…everything will be amazing."

Bug: "It's hard for me to imagine a poisonous snake getting along with a mouse."

Me: "Yeah, I guess that is kind of hard to imagine.  All I know is that I can hardly wait to go there."

Tears were starting to creep in and I was audibly crying a little bit and sniffling at this point as I snuggled with my girl.

Bug: "Mommy, why the tears?  Why the sadness?  It's okay.  Don't worry, Mommy."

She proceeded to pat my head and rub my hair.  I just melted into my sweet girl and thanked God that I could be in her presence.  I told her what a beautiful gift she is…that she has such a tender, sweet spirit… and that I know that the Lord has wonderful plans for her life.  I told her that I can't wait to see what those plans are.

She said, "Me too!"

I love my kids.  I am so grateful for the opportunity to be with them and to do life with them.  I am so thankful that I get to hear what is going on in their minds…and I hope that they will always be willing to talk with me and their daddy.  I hope that they will not one day shut us out.

Oh Lord, help us to be good parents.  Help us to love these children with depth and wisdom and passion.  And help us to teach them to honor you and love you all the days of their lives.  May that be their heart's desire.

Amen.

Solveig's Birthday - 2 years

This is long…just so you know.

Numb.  I am numb right now as I begin typing this post.  And yet I feel the need to write, so here I go.

For many days and weeks leading up to Solveig's birthday, I had a lot of great moments.  I was really feeling good about things and only periodically did I have a meltdown.  But yesterday and today I had some really difficult moments.

Yesterday was February 28th.  We have decided that we will choose to celebrate Solveig's birthday on the 28th, since her birthday landed so interestingly on the 29th.  There are a lot of times that it bothers me that we don't get to have her birthday on the actual date.  But it's okay.  Really, that shouldn't matter so much.  I think that maybe one reason why I wish we could have the 29th of February every year is that for me it would just validate Solveig's life all the more, in my mind.  But she was valid.  Indeed.  She did exist.  And I believe that she still exists in Heaven.  Her spirit is there.  So whether or not her birthdate on earth is available to us on paper each year, we can still honor her life.

For Solveig's birthday, we ended up doing pretty much a repeat of last year's festivities.  We allowed our kids to skip school because this is important to us.  And we took them to the local kids museum where they had a wonderful time playing and imagining all sorts of adventures.  Mr. Squeaker finally fell asleep in his stroller and took a brief nap, which allowed him to be somewhat human for the rest of our time at the museum.  I think he didn't want to miss out on all the fun though.  It was nice to have him along with us this year, outside of my womb, alive and well.  Just another healing mark on the journey.

Spending quality fun time with our Bug and Buzz was so important to me and to Erik.  It felt so healthy to be laughing and enjoying them.  We played together, and I felt so free.  At home it's so easy to get into our routines…go, go, go all day long…and I truly feel like we don't take enough time to just stop and play with our kids.  So it felt like such a gift to have that time at the museum with them.

One interesting thing that happened while we were at the museum was that our kids were playing in this mock river dam setup.  There were about 5 plastic water creature toys to about 20 grappling children.  Perhaps some of the regular toys that live in that river had been stashed in a nearby hole or something, but it was kind of interesting to see the kids trying to negotiate who would get what toy or if they'd get one at all.  My sweet boy was playing with a little red lobster toy when all of the sudden, a younger, bossier little blonde girl from a preschool group came rushing up and grabbed the lobster hastily out of Buzzy's hands.  He just stood there in shock and awe and didn't know what to do or how to respond.  I so wanted to grab it back for him, but of course that wouldn't be helpful now, would it?  After watching that child not only take the toy but also claim one of the other five available toys per 20 kid capita, I politely said to her, "would you mind please sharing one of those toys since you have two?"  She just stared at me and made some little annoyed sound and rushed off to something else.  I think she was about four.  Anyway, Buzz was so sad.  I told him that he handled the situation politely by not grabbing it back from her.  But that he could also choose to say something along the lines of, "it isn't polite to steal a toy from someone.  Next time you could ask, 'please may I have that toy?'  Poor kid…guess we need to work on healthy confrontational skills some more…but his peacemaker ways are very sweet too. I did end up writing a comment on the comment cards asking if they could perhaps add a few more toys to the river dam…

Alas…I digress.

After thoroughly enjoying the museum and capping off our visit with some face painting where Buzz decided to paint his face entirely green to look like an alien and Bug decided to paint hers like a tropical bird, we headed off to a nearby restaurant for some delicious eats.  It was then home to nap the little Squeaker and exhausted parents, and then rev up for another part of the day.

Daddy went out and bought some light pink balloons and some light pink roses.  We went to our cemetery after nap time.  And in very cold weather, perhaps 5 degrees Fahrenheit, we climbed over the deep snow to Solveig's grave with Baby wrapped up in his warm bundle and blankets over his head and around his body.  When Daddy had the camera tripod all set for a few pics, we quickly unveiled our Squeaker's blanket shrouded head and took several pictures of us standing by the stone as a family. Then it was time for laying the roses by her stone and also releasing the balloons.  This year, the balloons were able to gracefully fly into the sky.  But just like last year, one balloon somehow got a little bit stuck and did its own thing!  That to me was so symbolic of Solveig, going on her way to Heaven separate from us.  It made us giggle a little bit.

Buzz said, "I hope the balloons make it all the way to Heaven!"

I cried and said, "Me too Buddy!  Me too."

We finished our little ceremonial time and headed back home to make dinner out of leftovers.  Wow, my creative juices were shot I guess.  I had great intentions of making a special dinner, but that wasn't meant to be.  However, I did make up some homemade vanilla cupcakes the night before and had them frozen so they would be easy to frost.  The kids helped me to make some light pink frosting.  And I sat and decorated cupcakes with them.  Buzz wanted just gobs of frosting and no sprinkles on his.  And Bug spent a lot of time adding TONS of sprinkles on hers!  Again, it felt so good to just do something fun with them.  The kids sang several different renditions of Happy Birthday.

Today, March 1st, we had a birthday breakfast of homemade crepes with fruit, whipped cream and maple syrup.  It was my first time making crepes, so lets just say that there were a LOT of flopped pancakes.  But they still tasted delicious.  After kind of a slow day, I ended up going out for some big box store therapy grocery shopping.  It felt good to get out of the house.  And then after supper tonight we had a chance to do some more reminiscing with our kids.

We got out our pale pink scrapbook with Solveig's photos and big purple storage bin that has Solveig's things in it…her white blanket and pink bear that I basically lived with until after Squeaker was born over a year later, the hundreds of sympathy cards that loving people sent to us (I read about half of them again tonight and wept…thank you, friends), the candles that were used at her funeral that I cannot bear to part with or use yet, the outfits that friends and family gave to us in preparation for our daughter that I still cannot get rid of and I think I may always keep, the mini strawberry dress that matched big sister Bug's strawberry dress…purchased just a week before Solveig died inside of me, the box that was given to us at the hospital in loving memory of a little boy named Colton, (the inspiration for me taking on the box project that his parents used to be a part of), her footprints and handprints…so delicate and tiny, her dark brown hair clippings inside the Tress Press…the same dark hair as her sister Bug and brother Squeaker…it was really good but really hard to look at these things.

Part way through going over the memory items, my sweet seven year old Bug said, "Mom, I can tell that you are getting really teary.  Perhaps this has been enough for one day."  Bless her heart.

I said, "Honey, it's okay that I'm crying.  It's okay to be sad about this and to look at Solveig's things.  But thank you so much for being sensitive and for caring so much about your mama."

Then Buzz said as he was looking at the photos of Solveig, "I miss Solveig so much.  I can't wait to see her again."

I said, "I know, Honey.  We all feel the same way."

My sweet husband was soaking in all of the mementos.  He was looking at it all and holding back the tears in his eyes.  What especially caught him tonight were the photos of him holding Solveig and weeping when we were holding her and bathing her.  Those are some of my favorites…they are so tender and show his depth and love for his daughter.  As he said last year when we visited her hospital room, "It just makes me sad to think about the life that could have been."

Yes, it makes me sad too.  Sometimes it really makes me very sad.

And other days I truly don't feel sad about it like I used to.  I think it is perfectly healthy and good and normal that we dug out all of her things and went through it today…that we spent time thinking about her and talking about her as a family…that we will always remember her out loud…because I don't want our family to ever forget her.  She meant something to us and always will.  She was born.  She was still.  But she was born.

Having our sweet Solveig has changed my life forever.  I feel things more deeply now than I think I could before.  I see other people hurting in a different way than before.  I feel more aware of a lot of things that I think matter in this world.  And I wish that I could help everyone who is in pain.  The reality of course it that I can't do that because I'm just one person.  But I do care.  And I can pray.  I can pray for people…that is something that I can do.  I so long to help other people who are going through the loss of their child, and I am thankful to be able to do some of this.

Thank you for caring about me…about our family…for remembering our daughter with us.  We all miss her very much.  It isn't just me.  We all grieve differently, and that is alright.  But we are learning to process our grief alone and together.  It is still a process.  And I believe it will go on for the rest of our lives, and that is alright.  It is okay to grieve.  And it is healthy to grieve.

And in grieving fully, I believe we are able to more better move forward in our lives.  I truly feel like I am able to "do life" better now than I could two years ago, or one year ago, or even six months ago.  Each day brings new strength that only comes from God.  I could not go on without His love for me.

Blessings and peace, friends.

Thanks Heather Hanson for capturing this photo of my Solveig bear from the Missing Grace Foundation with the kids a few months after we lost her...

I cherish these family photos that we had taken that day.  Thank you Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep and Jen Kelly.

More Thoughts From Siblings...

Today at lunch, Buzz was in another of his reflective moods.  We started talking about Solveig, and here is the conversation that happened.

Mama, "Buzz, do you remember holding Solveig at the hospital?"

Buzz, "No, I don't remember that." (That makes me sad actually, because for the longest time he talked about it.  But he was so young when she died…not quite four, so it doesn't surprise me that his memory of her is fading.)

Mama, "Well, would you like to look at the pictures we have so that you can see how you held her?  You were so good with her, such a good big brother.  You held her gently and kissed her forehead."

Buzz, "Yes, I would like to see those."

"I guess if Bug and I died then we wouldn't be Squeaker's brother and sister anymore."

Mama, "No Honey, you'll always be Squeaker's brother and sister, whether you are here or in Heaven. Do you remember in the book Heaven I_S F_or Re_al when the little boy goes to Heaven?  When he's there he meets his sister that his mom miscarried.  He had no idea that he had a sister, but he met her there.  When we go to Heaven, I believe we will see our loved ones and we will know each other."

Buzz, "Maybe we'll all be babies in Heaven."

Mama, "That would be interesting, wouldn't it?  I'm not sure how old we'll be in Heaven, but the Bible does say that we will be free from pain and sickness.  And everyone will get along. Maybe we can run with the cheetahs. Won't that be great?"

Bug, "I want to run with the cheetahs!  I want to learn how to run like a cheetah."

I know that there were some more really neat details to this conversation, but I can't remember them right now.

I love these big kiddos…they are such a blessing to me and their daddy.

Thanks to Heather for these pictures. :)

Bedtime Snuggle Conversations

Whenever I can, I love to snuggle with my kids before they go to sleep.  These are special moments for us to connect at the end of the day.  And no matter how good or how challenging the day has been, these snuggle moments are times that I relish...times that I am able to slow down and breathe and remember that these little wonders that God has blessed me with are such gifts.

Tonight when I was snuggling with my Buzz, he said to me, "the miscarriages happened before me."  And I said, "no Honey, those were after you."  "Oh yeah, those were when I was two," he said.  How in the world did he remember that?  Then he said, "Mommy, I wasn't able to be there when you had the miscarriages.  I wasn't at the hospital."  I told him, "No, the miscarriages actually happened at home.  I didn't have to go to the hospital for those.  Those little babies were so tiny.  They just left my body more easily.  I just bled a little bit and they came out."  He said, "oh.  But some people have to have their miscarriages cut out their tummies.  They have to have a needle in their tummies and help get the miscarriages out."  I said, "yes, sometimes women need extra help when they are miscarrying and need to be in the hospital.  The doctor has to help clean out their tummy."

I'm not quite sure where that conversation stemmed from today or what caused him to think about it, but I do know that my little boy is a really deep thinker and seems to process things thoroughly.  He seems extra tender about our losses.  I hope and pray that God will use this deep thinker in wonderful ways.

Then I snuggled my big Bug.  She loves to cuddle too.  And both kids always have to have their butterfly kisses and eskimo kisses.  Bug said to me, "Mommy, I miss Solveig."  I told her with tears in my eyes, "Yes honey, I miss her too.  I will always miss her."  Sweet Bug girl then wrapped her arms around me and kissed my cheek.  She is so precious and so full of love to give.  I really appreciate that the Lord gave me that girl.  She has been so tender hearted and has encouraged me a lot.

I'm grateful for these kids.  Thank you God.

Rainbow Trees in Heaven

Precious Buzz has such insightful things to share with me.  Just now while we were eating lunch we were talking about hospitals.  He remembered the hospital where he met his baby sister, Solveig.  I was reminding him how he got to hold her and asked him if he was glad he got to hold her.  He said, "yes."

Then he said, "we didn't get an angel, we just got a baby."  (I think this might have been a thought from  a book that we were given about having an angel instead of a baby.)

We talked about this and I said, "well, our baby died and now she lives with the angels in Heaven.  So I guess she's kind of like an angel for us."

He said, "but I wonder it there are trees in Heaven."

I replied, "yes Honey, I bet there are lots of beautiful trees...and I imagine that they look much different than any of the trees that we see here on earth."

Buzz said with joy on his face, "the trees in Heaven are all different colors of the rainbow!"

I smiled too and said, "I bet they are Honey!  They are probably so gorgeous!  Are you excited to see them?"

"Yes," he simply replied.  And then he started singing a song about the trees and their many colors.

Oh he is such a gem, that kid.  I love his thoughts about Heaven, and I absolutely cherish the times that we can have these conversations.

Another Conversation About Heaven

This morning, my sweet boy and I had a beautiful conversation about Heaven.  It went something like this...

"Buzz, I will always love you.  Please remember that I will always love you."

Buzz said, "even when you die?  Will you still love me then?"

Mama replied, "yes Buzz, I believe that I will.  Because the Bible says that we will recognize our loved ones in Heaven.  So I will know you and I will still love you!"

He said, "but there won't be any toys in Heaven."

I said, "well I don't know for sure about that part.  Maybe there will be some toys.  But more importantly, we're going to be so in awe of Jesus that nothing else is going to matter.  Everything in Heaven will be amazing."

Buzz then inquired, "will there be food in Heaven?"

I said, "yes, Honey, there will be lots of food!  In the Bible it talks about having a feast in Heaven!"

He then said, "but the streets are made of gold and that will hurt!"

I replied after thinking for a moment, "you mean, if you fall down on the gold streets it might hurt?"

"Yes," he said, "it would hurt.  I fall down a lot and get hurt a lot."

"Well, I don't think it will hurt because nothing is supposed to hurt anymore in Heaven.  There will be no more tears, no more pain and no more suffering," I said.

Buzz looked at my face and saw some tears and began wiping them away.  He said, "you have a tear on your cheek."

"Yes Honey, I do have a tear.  I'm crying because I'm missing your sister Solveig right now.  But she is in Heaven and she is having a wonderful time there."  Then I asked, "do you miss her?"

In his sweet big brother voice he said, "yes, I miss her...so much."

Be still my sad heart...this brother has such an affection for the baby sister whose shell he didn't know for more than an hour.  What a gift that he still cares for her.  And I hope he always remembers her.  I think he will, simply by virtue of the fact that we talk about her and look at her photos often.

I told him, "I'm so sorry that you didn't get to grow up with her on earth.  But when we get to Heaven, we will see her again and that will be amazing."

I held that little man for the longest time and the tears continue to stream down my face as I type this.  My gratefulness for the two who remain in my arms here on earth is full today.  I love them with a depth I never knew to be humanly possible.  And I cherish our moments that we have.

Thank you Lord for the gift of life.  May we spend it wisely.

He was so proud to hold her and to be a big brother...he didn't even seem to mind that she was no longer with us in spirit and that her skin was turning purple...

Sweet Children...

We just took a little adventure to a feed and farm store to pick up straw for our garden to use as a weed preventative.  I wish I had thought of this much sooner in the season!  Sweet Erik has helped me with the weeding - he's a rockstar in my book.

On our way home from picking up the straw, I thought we should stop at the cemetery for a few minutes.

As we were standing by the grave, Buzz said, "did you ever see her again Mommy?"

I replied, "well, no honey, because she died.  Her body is no longer with us on earth, remember?"

He said, "Oh."

I could've gone on to remind him of how we will see her again in Heaven...that God gave me that lovely picture in a vision of seeing her playing and dancing...but I think he didn't need that explanation today.  And I just wasn't on the top of my game to remember to say it.  I wish I could see her again here.  I sure would love that, but it is not to be.

How we look forward to our reunion.

Meanwhile, there is gardening to be done, clothes to be washed on this lovely warm and bright sunny day, children to laugh and play with and an oven pancake to make for dinner in a few hours...

Thank you Lord, for this wonderful gift of life you have bestowed upon me...these beautiful children who are here...my special husband who is such a gem of a man...we are blessed beyond measure...may we remember that always, even in the midst of the grief journey.

**And thank you, all of you who responded and wrote such kind, encouraging words.  You blessed me so much with that.  And I so appreciate you and your prayers for our family.  Thank you.**

Below are some pictures of Erik with the kids on one of their recent sailing adventures.  Thanks to Grandpa for taking these!

I'm linking today with Tesha's Treasures!  Be sure to check out Tesha's blog and her encouraging words.

Conversations With Kids

Weeks and days go by now without our kids talking about Solveig.  I'm sure that's a normal and healthy part of moving on in the grief process.  But every now and then the kids will say something about her, or ask a question.  We're more than willing to talk about Solveig, and we don't ever want her life and death to be a taboo subject in our home.  It's fine if they bring it up, or if we occasionally decide to talk about her in front of them.

Today at the table, we were talking with the kids about how we prayed and asked God for them.  Bug then said, "And after Buzzy, we prayed and asked God for another baby, and He gave us Solveig."

Wow...yes.  He did.  He sure did give us Solveig.  And it's so sweet that her big sister still thinks about her.  That warms my heart.

My response to Bug through the tears that started to warm my eyes was, "yes, and even though she is not with us on earth, we will ALWAYS think of her as a gift that God gave to us."

She was such a gift, truly.  I'll always thank Him for her life, albeit such a brief one.  And the fact is, we are so different because of her.  We'll never be the same.  She has changed us.  Or shall I say, God has changed us.  He has changed us through the experience of having her.

There have been so many experiences that we have had following Solveig's short life that we wouldn't have had otherwise which have impacted us greatly.  We have met people that we would have perhaps not encountered in other circumstances.  Our priorities for what is important in this life have changed.  We value our living children that we have with a much deeper intensity.  We value our other human relationships much more.  And our faith in God has grown, as we've experienced His presence with us so closely through this time.

Shortly after we talked about God giving us Solveig, Buzz said, "we can open up that hole and dig up the grave."  Oh...sting to my heart.  Sweet boy...I think he just so wanted to make things better and to help right the wrong that has happened.  My sweet boy wanted to get his sister back.  I had to tell him, "honey, I'm so sorry, but remember that Solveig died.  In the ground is her body, but her spirit left her body when she died.  We believe that her spirit is with Jesus in Heaven."  Big sister piped in and said, "I know that Solveig is playing with Briana in Heaven.  They're probably dancing in the streets of gold!"

I just love it when Bug talks about Solveig in Heaven.  I love the insights of children.  And I love that she remembers Briana too.  Briana is the little girl who is buried next to Solveig, and I've been getting to know her sweet mama H in the last few months.  Our stories are somewhat similar, as Briana was also born still late term.

Here's a picture at the cemetery that we took on Mother's Day.  We still don't have a marker for Solveig, but we hope to get one soon.  For now, we have some flowers and it's nice to have something there.  (Briana's grave is just a few feet to the right of our baby.)

I found the wreath at the craft store and added the pink ribbon - perfect for "craft challenged" me.  (I dubbed myself with that nickname at MOPS one time!  We have some awesome crafty ladies who lead us in fun crafts, but I often have to ask fifty five questions before I figure them out because of my craft challenged self!  Love you crafty friends!  Maybe when I'm in Heaven I won't be so craft challenged. :))

Maybe you can see where it looks like patchy grass underneath the heart wreath - that is the rectangular spot that was dug for our daughter, and just beneath it lies her body.  The sweet guys who tend the cemetery voluntarily planted some grass seed there since we don't have a marker as of yet.

It's hard to get our kids to smile for the camera.  But I loved that they were standing by the grave, and that Bug was trying to fix up the ribbon and make sure it was just so for her baby sister.  They really seem to understand that it is important to their mama to spend time there.

As a family at our baby's grave.  So glad that my parents were there with us to help take that picture.

There are some beautiful trees at the cemetery, and also some lovely little benches to sit on very close to Solveig's spot.  We're looking forward to taking a picnic out there sometime soon and sitting under the pine tree by her grave.

More to the story will come soon.  Thanks for staying tuned.

Obeying Jesus...

Bug Girl : "Mommy, sometimes it's not a good idea to obey Jesus when people are laughing at you."

Mama: "Bug, there will always be people who will laugh at us and make fun of us for obeying Jesus, but when we choose to obey Him, He will bless us and reward us."

Wow, I couldn't believe my girl who will be three in a few weeks just came up with that one. I think that she must have been trying to relate to Jesus, as we've been reading the Easter story qutie a bit in the last many weeks before and after Easter. There's so much going on in the minds of babes.

A day of rest

We've been going and going a lot lately, and I'm really grateful to just have a day at home to rest with the kids. There are things to be done, like laundry and throwing away papers from my paper piles, cutting coupons, and just playing with my two darling children.

Last night after reading as many updates as I could on baby Stellan, I felt the urge to go and hug my kids and to hold them close. The reality that I am faced with many days is that we have NO idea when we could go to meet Jesus. It really could be any moment. Therefore, I need to make the most of every moment that I have here on this earth. And believe me, I'm not always the best at doing that. Sometimes I am very determined and I accomplish a whole lot of tasks/projects in a day, but some days I do NOT get much of anything done! Of course, I'm also trying to balance the need to accomplish those tasks with the need to spend time with my children, to cherish them and embrace them and to remind them that they are indeed loved. I have often told my Bug that I and her daddy love her SO much, but that God loves her more than we could ever possibly love her. She has now begun repeating that when Erik and I tell her that we love her, and can be heard saying, "but you know what Mama? God loves me more than you!" To which I reply, "Yes Honey, He does! That's right!" Amen to that my friends. Amen. I'm so glad that we serve a God who loves us more than we deserve...more than we could ever fully understand. What a gift.

Erik is home from Asia!!!

Erik just returned home today from a two week Asia trip for work. I'm SO glad to have him home! I miss him a ton when he is gone, and the kids do too. It was just precious to see them interacting with their daddy today. And I always find it amazing that our Little Buzz, even at 8 months old, is VERY able to recognize and know his daddy, even after two weeks apart. So cool. Big Sister got to go with me to the airport, and she said something about how we were going to go and "catch" Daddy at the airport, which I thought was funny!

Just now, Erik told me that when reading the story of David and Jonathan in the Bible, Big Sister said that Little Buzz was her best friend, just like David and Jonathan were best friends. Awww - that warms my heart like NOTHING else! Children are precious, that's for sure.

I'm looking forward to singing at church in two weeks! I haven't sung in church for MONTHS now, and I really miss it. I need to figure out what I'll be singing within the next few days for the blended service...blended means more traditional than contemporary at our church. The emphasis for the Sunday I'm singing is prayer. Anyone have suggestions? I'm going to sit down and start to work through it all either tonight or tomorrow. The scripture that will be used that Sunday is Matthew 6:5-8.

Hope ya'all are doing well!

Cute

Yesterday, my sweet Bug girl said something quite funny as she observed the neighbor dog, a golden retriever, standing on her deck...

Bug: "I think Berkeley should climb up a tree or something like that."

Mama: "But dogs can't climb trees, usually."

Bug: "Yes they can, it's important!"

So folks, there you have it....from the mouth of a 33 month old girl...dogs climb trees! We learn things every day, don't we?

Just thought this might make you smile and laugh! :)