Missing Her...

We just got back from a lovely family escape to the North Shore of our North Star state.  It was so good to be away, becoming more rooted as a family of five on this earth.  The idea of the five of us is becoming more and more comfortable and right.  But there are still many days that the awareness of Solveig missing is apparent to me...and today is one of them.

In the midst of digging out my mess of an office space I came upon some more ultrasound photos from our sweet girl, dated 2/13/12...just 16 days before she was delivered still into our world.  I thought I had already placed all of the ultrasound photos in her scrapbook, but here were some more.  Her eyes were open, her face turned towards the camera, and I could see the cord near her neck, wrapped around it.  That darn cord.  Still some days I really struggle with that part, seeing the object that was supposed to give her life but ended up taking her life.  You might be saying to yourself, "but this loss happened a year and a half ago...how can she still struggle with that?"  True, it did happen that long ago.  But I will always miss my girl.  And the depth of grief and loss has not fully departed from me.  I don't think a person can just all the sudden stop grieving after a year, after two years, after however many years you want to put on it.  There just isn't a specific timeline for grief, nor should there be.  You must know that there are a lot of great days, even weeks and months where I don't feel really down over our loss.  But then it strikes like a bolt of lightning and catches me unaware.  And for a moment time seems to stop.  And I can't do anything for a bit...except to write.

She should be here too.

How my soul longs to reunite with our daughter, with our two other little babies that we never got to hold in our arms and with my brother Joel.  Heaven will be glorious.  I know it will be.  And I will look forward to being there.

For now, Lord help me and my grieving heart learn to live on this earth in the way you wish me to.  I need your help.  Amen.

The Hills Are Alive...

Ever since we lost Solveig almost six months ago, I've wanted to escape and flee the scene of my life for just a bit.  We love to travel and have been blessed with many different opportunities to do so throughout the years.  But that travel bug was really in me this spring, and I just could not wait to get out for a bit to breathe some different air and see some other scenery.

Gratefully, we were able to take a trip to Colorado and South Dakota and we just returned a week ago. I've been trying to catch up on life and that is why I haven't posted here in awhile.  I'm living my REAL life, I guess you could say.

We spent time in Aspen, Snowmass, Ft. Collins, Rapid City and just an overnight stop in Sioux Falls before we headed home.  Erik drove our van to Denver and met me and the kids at the airport!  We had enough points through something that we were able to get tickets for the three of us to fly to Denver - pretty great.  I'm so glad that we could do that, and the kids had so much fun flying!  For Bug, it was the first plane trip she remembers, as she was one the last time she flew.  And for Buzz, it was his first plan trip ever.  They thought it was awesome!  And I made sure to pack their backpacks full of fun things to keep them busy during the flight.  Sticker scene books are the WAY TO GO for kids ages 4 and 6!  They loved those and still play with them, a few weeks after the start of the trip.

We did some little hikes over the top of Aspen and Snowmass Mountains and in the surrounding area, through Rocky Mountain National Park, Custer State Park, Mt. Rushmore and the Badlands National Park.  I even enjoyed singing a bit while we were hiking.  There were lots of little streams to wade in and the kids LOVED collecting rocks of all different shapes and sizes.  A gold mine was visited and toured and we also spent time panning for gold.  We ended up bringing home two tiny files filled with mostly water and a couple seedling sized pieces of gold.  It was fun to experience the thrill of the gold hunt!  We also went to the Woolly Mammoth dig site, had dinner and saw a show at a chuck wagon restaurant/theater, learned how to make an old fashioned cowboy rope, went on a boat tour of Grand Lake and so much more.  Many animals were seen, including TWO black bears in downtown Aspen, mountain goats, big horn sheep, three herds of buffalo, gazillions of prairie dogs, fish and yellow bellied marmots.  Those were all in the wild.  Then we drove through a wildlife park where we saw a LOT of different bears, walking right next to our van, and many other animals as well.  Good thing they keep those bears well fed!

While we were gone we had the opportunity to spend time with some very special people, including my voice teacher from grad. school and his sweet wife and son who have really become such dear friends, Erik's aunt and my special friend from high school and her adorable family - they're like family to me.  I'm so grateful that we could be with these loved ones.  It was food for my soul and I miss them all already.  Thank you dear friends for the time we could be together.  I so appreciated the times we could share as well as the wonderful conversations.

The one thing that was hard for me on the trip was that I kept thinking about Solveig and how she could have been with us.  There were of course babies everywhere, and I noticed all of them...especially the newborns or those who were almost six months old, like Solveig would be.  Sometimes it was very difficult, but I tried as much as I could to focus more on spending time with my living children and my husband and how we were still creating special memories together.

Here's a few of my favorite photos from the trip:

At Maroon Bells - near Aspen

On top of Aspen Mountain - we did a nature hike with a guide

Bug and Buzz at Maroon Bells

Me and Erik - Maroon Bells

Hiking in Rocky Mountain National Park

All in all, it was a good vacation and I'm so glad that we could go.  Our kids have become wonderful travelers and they really did a good job enduring long days of adventure...sometimes better than this mama! :)  They seemed to really get into hiking and finding treasures.  We look forward to more adventures as a family in the future.

Busy Summer

Hey all!

I cannot believe that it has been almost TWO months since I last posted on my blog. But I can tell you that life has been very busy since I last wrote. :) Why is it that at the beginning of every single summer I have such grandiose plans of relaxation, projects, and get-togethers and that every single summer I come to about this point in August and realize that I haven't gotten through many of my plans? Perhaps others face this same issue. And really, if that's my biggest worry of the day, I'm doing okay. I love summer! I love being outside with my family, enjoying fresh air and sunshine while trying to avoid the bees who seem to seek me out since I'm allergic to them. (Note: I finally got an E_pi- P_en this past year after knowing for 13 years that I was allergic to bees...so at least I have it on my person at all times in case of emergency!) We enjoy taking walks every night after supper in our neighborhood where we have nice trails and parks. It is really a blessing to have green grass and playgrounds to play on. There are so many places in the world that do not have this luxury, and we are grateful. I also love grilling in the summer. Now, this summer we haven't done very much grilling...not sure why, but it just hasn't happened a whole lot. So, intend to change that up this weekend with grilling some chicken and having salad along with it! Sounds yummy to me. And in our house, every day after lunch is a HUGE event for Bug who likes to go out and meet "Miss Mary," our mail delivery lady. We just met Miss Mary a few months ago when we happened to be outside one day as she brought our mail to the box. As we started visiting with her, she offered Bug a sucker from a little box she keeps in the mail truck. So of course, now Bug has to go out and meet Miss Mary every day to get her sucker. There are many days that we don't connect out there, but when we do, it's fun. I told Bug that we need to be nice to Miss Mary and just be her friend too, and that we shouldn't always expect to receive a sucker from her.

(This post is really random...just lots on my mind today...)

We took a LOVELY one week vacation in Do_or Cou_nty, W_is_consin at the end of July, and it was such a nice reprieve. I was sick for most of our vacation, but still was able to enjoy a good time with my family! We stayed in the town of Si_ster B_ay, and loved the condo that we rented. Some of our highlights included going swimming at the Nic_olet B_ay B_each in Pen-insula St_ate Pa_rk, hearing live concerts in the local towns at night (including one by a girl I grew up with), eating cherry pie, walking through a cherry orchard, attending the fish boil at the Vi_king G_rill, playing at different playgrounds and going for walks with the kids around the little towns, and watching the skunks roaming about underneath and around the deck at our condo. Yes, that's right, we had SKUNKS living under our deck!!!!! Crazy! There was a family of nine skunks and thankfully, a man brought some live traps and captured the skunks. This went on for several days, so the guy had to keep coming back to get the captured skunks and set up the trap for the next victim...yes, he had to euth_anize them because of state law, in case they were rabid. It was kind of sad, but apparently skunks are the highest carriers of rabies. Ew. Poor, cute skunkies. They really were cute. Bug and Buzz really loved seeing the skunks roaming about, through the window. Truly, it was a nice vacation, and we had such a good time together as a family. I'm so grateful that we could go away for awhile. It was refreshing for my soul. Erik and I had a good time visiting at night when the kids would go to sleep, and catching up on cable tv since we don't have that at home! We played cards one night too, and watched movies, and read books. It was great.

I'll try to post some pics soon...and tell more summer stories...

I need a vacation!

Whenever it gets cold in Minnesota, we Minnesotans get a little antsy in our pantsy and we feel the need to take vacations to WARMER PLACES!!! Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Minnesota...it is a wonderful place to live. And I actually really enjoy winter, most of the time. Erik and I really like to get out and enjoy winter sports - broomball, hockey, ice skating, sledding, skiing, etc...but with two little kids in the house, we don't always get to do all that stuff. I think that next winter will be a little bit better when my Little Buzz is walking around and probably interested in going outside. Then Big Sister Bug and Little Buzz can both be out there. That will be great fun! We did find a really nice plastic rain/snow cover for our double jogging stroller, and we tried that out on a "warmer" kind of day. (25 degrees or so) Our kids loved being out in the stroller even though it was cold. Oh, so back to the vacation idea...I would love to take a warm weather vacation, but I don't know that we'll be doing that this year. With the economy being the way it is, we're really trying to scrimp and save. So, we're trying to come up with fun things to do around the area that are either free or cheap! Tonight Erik has Big Bug at an indoor water park! I'm SO excited and also jealous. :) I look forward to being there with both kids sometime. I'm hoping to go to some of the art museums and childrens museum in the area sometime too. Do you have any fun ideas? Feel free to share! One more thing that I've been trying to do is to keep a bunch of fun activities around for my little girl. I have a whole bunch of craft items for doing projects, and coloring books, and STICKERS!!!!! My daughter loves loves loves her stickers, so I'm always getting those for her. She's not lacking for fun things to do, that's for sure. And one other thing that she loves to do is to help me cook and bake! She likes to put in the spices and stir things. And she always tells me, "garlic is my favorite spice!" Crazy girl! I like garlic too, but I'm surprised that a two year old would think it so fine.

This is my random collection of thoughts for the day...hope your day is blessed!

Charleston Pics

Here are some photos from our vacation in Charleston, which was a month and a half ago now!!! Geepers - I'm slow at getting pictures onto the computer. But that's because I can never remember how to do it. Erik has to help me! Thanks Honey!

Picture #1: At Fort Sumter, which is on a little tiny island, holding only the Fort.
Picture #2: Cherry Blossoms at the Magnolia Plantation & Gardens.
Picture #3: An alligator and his turtle friends, resting in the sun on the lovely 65 degree day at the plantation gardens.
Picture #4: Preggy Melody at the Gardens.
Picture #5: Melody & Erik in the swampy part of the Gardens...VERY cool.

If you have never been to Charleston, South Carolina, we would highly recommend it as a lovely place to visit! It was rejuvenating for our marriage to take a little vacation, just the two us. I'm so thankful that we could do that. Frequent flyer miles are SO helpful!!!!!!! I guess that is one benefit of Erik having to travel sometimes.

Raspberry Lip and Other Adventures...

Wowsers, I haven't posted in a very long time, but there are a lot of great reasons for that! Life has been so full and busy and I'm thankful for the things that have happened. Erik & I had the wonderful opportunity to take a long weekend vacation to Charleston, South Carolina the last few days of February and first few days of March. It was just great to be together and to see a lovely old city with so much history! The weather was AMAZING for us...sunny every day and it got up to 65 degrees, which felt so nice! When we left Minnesota, it had been only about 13 degrees, so it was a huge shock to our systems to be in the warmth. We saw Fort Sumter where the Civil War began, we walked along the beach on the little coastal islands where we saw two washed up jellyfish & some dolphins swimming in the wake of a huge freight ship, we went for a carriage ride in old Charleston and learned a bunch of historical and fun trivia and saw gorgeous old homes and other establishments, we walked through the famous Charleston market and saw ladies weaving sweet grass baskets, we went to the beautiful Magnolia Plantation & Gardens where we toured the plantation house and then also saw the gardens and swamp area that are now maintained the by Audubon Society...and I think we saw probably 5 alligators, which was great! I had never seen alligators and really really wanted to, so that was a fun highlight for me. While we were at the plantation garden place we met the wife of Kevin Costner's photo stand in, and they are a really neat Christian family. There were some connections that Erik was able to make with them from his past, and that was cool. Didn't get to meet the photo stand-in guy though because he was off working on a new Kevin film in the Charleston area. I'll have to see it now! We also ate at a bunch of amazing restaurants and each probably gained 5 pounds over the weekend. I felt like a beached whale when we were flying home that Sunday! The food was AMAZING! We had some good southern favorites like fried green tomatoes & crab cakes, and I also had some fresh North Carolina stream trout - that was incredible. One of the restaurants we ate at was called "High Cotton" and it was really fancy. Good thing we went there for lunch and not dinner, because I don't think we would've had the appropriate attire for dinner. If you have seen the film "The Notebook" there is a dining room restaurant scene that was filmed in that restaurant. Now I'll have to watch that again too. All in all, it was a fantastic weekend. We felt so footloose and fancy free, and decided that it would be fun to have this "babymoon" before our little baby boy comes in July. Thanks to my parents for watching Little Bug while we were gone. She had such a great time over there and we felt so content knowing that she was being well cared for.

About the raspberry lip, that was today's adventure! Kristi & I were downstairs and as we were getting ready to come back up, she fell and landed her cute little mouth on the hard cement floor, causing her to bite her lip pretty hard. There was blood everywhere, and I didn't know what to do! We've never had an incident like that. So, I called calm & collected Daddy & asked him, and he said (while daughter is screaming in the background), "just put a cool washcloth in her mouth & maybe have her suck on an ice cube, or put the ice cube inside the washcloth." So, I did that, and it really helped. I tried giving her a popsicle but she didn't want it because it was "too cold." Anyway, her teeth are still intact, and her raspberry lip is puffy and there, but she's doing okay. A little Tylenol & some teething gel spread on her lip did the trick and she's outside playing in the snow right now with Daddy.

Well, enough of my adventures for one day. I'll try to post some pictures soon. Blessings to all of you.

Pictures soon...

I will hopefully put some recent pics up soon! But for now...here are some pictures from a year ago August! Our little Kristi was just 10 weeks old when we decided to take a family vacation to Colorado. It was SO nice to get away and to see lots of friends and family. The top picture is me and Kristi near Ft. Collins, where we were hiking with some friends. The middle picture is near Aspen, where we were hiking with friends. The bottom picture is the pickles that my mom and I made, and they were YUMMY!!! Every summer, Mom makes pickles, and I always want to help her out if I can. I absolutely love the smell of fresh dill, garlic, pickling spices and cucumbers all coming together. And the finished product is unbelievable. When I was a college freshman and brought my pickles to school, my roomates teased me and said that the pickle jar looked like a science experiment, because there were so many little spices and greens along with the pickles...but that is what makes them taste so great!