Today marks the anniversary of Solveig's due date, two years after the loss of her. I don't know why this day seems so significant still, but it does. None of my kids ever made it to their due date for their actual birthdays. They were all born earlier. So the fact that I even remember her due date and that it stands out to me in this way is kind of interesting. But of course I remember it, because she came and went in such a startling way that it will always be remembered. She will always be remembered. All days surrounding her life and what could have been will always be remembered…just because.
I remember being so excited for a spring baby when I was expecting Solveig. All of our babies have happened in the spring, except for Buzz who was technically a Summer birthday by one day - June 22nd. But my pregnancies were all through the same seasons. There was that hope and expectation of new life in the Spring. Such a beautiful thing it is to have that kind of hope during a pregnancy.
So when we lost her at the end of the winter and buried her on a cold day, it did not equate to the warmth and new life of spring that we had expected. But it was that way. And even in the cold and bitterness of winter and loss, we still felt warmth…warmth of God's love for us, warmth of family and friends who came around with hugs, prayers and meals, warmth of one another's embrace here in our home. And when the cold wore off and the spring set in that year, I remember sitting outside with my big kids, wishing that I was holding our little girl in my arms and feeling the empty void of her absence.
Now that she would have been two, I sometimes picture her running about with her big brother and sister and her little brother too. Wouldn't it have been something for them to all be together here? Life would have been even more chaotic than it already is…and there are many moments that I would give just about anything to have it that way. I would love to have her here with us. We would all love that. Her daddy and I talk about it often. I wonder what she is doing in Heaven today. I wonder if she is waiting for the tulips to spring up from the ground, or perhaps she already has flowers around her all the time. Maybe there are no seasons in Heaven. Maybe it's all just moderately temperate all the time. And I like to think that there are no mosquitos causing her to swell up with bites and no ticks to imbed themselves…because there is no disease in Heaven. Maybe she is twirling around in a little sundress, singing songs of joy, with pigtails in her hair and a big smile on her round face with rosy cheeks. And her big brown eyes (I'm sure they have to be brown) are open wide and filled with laughter.
To hold her again will be one of the greatest gifts that Heaven will bring. I can hardly wait.
I thought she was due to be here on Earth…but her real due date was for Heaven.
When am I due for Heaven? I wait, with great expectation and hope…knowing that this short blip of life here on Earth will last but for a moment.
For now, Uncle Joel, Aunt Ethel, Grandmas and Grandpas, other aunties and uncles, cousins, siblings and friends are with her…she is not bored! She is not sad! She is rejoicing. They are rejoicing together.
1 Corinthians 15:55-57 says:
“O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?”
The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law.
But thanks be to God, who giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!"
